Below is constructive feedback we received based on our existing marketing collateral (shared for your review) which the winning design of this contest will replace.
1. I like the bold distinction of tiers. This feels familiar and makes me think I can customize things.
2. I looked for a title for the two pages, and it took some effort to find them turned 90 degrees on both sides. I recommend making the title easier to see at the top.
3. Looking at the top, I’d recommend making the Blackdragon logo smaller or move to the bottom. It’s distracting from the key messages.
4. When I read the first line, my eye jumped to the asterisk, and then searched for the explanation at the bottom of the page. It took some effort to find the explanation at the bottom of the top graphic. If needed at all, I recommend making both the asterisk and the explanation smaller and at the bottom of the page. And the asterisk is probably not needed—just make the statement. It feels like it’s hiding something.
5. The text size on the two pages is out of balance, as is the quantity of text. Design elements should help with the balance.
6. For the vertical text on the right margin, I recommend only using text that is non-essential and supportive, since most people won’t read it.
7. For the dollar values, I recommend using the currency format instead of the accounting format, without any space between the dollar sign and the first number.
8. I recommend using color shading to match up the columns in the graphic with the columns in the matrix.
9. I think a one-sentence summary description of what the product is would be very helpful—somewhere near the top, like a subtitle to a book or report.
10. For pricing, instead of using so much real estate on the three options, consider the phrase, “Starting from…” and only use the Annual rate. If the semi-annual or monthly rates are needed, make them much smaller or use an footnote with asterisk. Again, you want everyone to buy the annual option, right?
11. Bullet spacing is inconsistent.
12. The matrix items for PLaaS is difficult to scan quickly. I recommend using leader text or a one to three-word phrase at the beginning of each line that summarizes that line. For example, change:
13. “Unlimited access to Blackdragon Marketplace” to
14. “ACCESS: Unlimited access to Blackdragon Marketplace”
15. Much of the descriptions and terminology feels foreign to me. Maybe the target audience would understand it better.
16. The text feels a little more like a contract than a sales piece. Some wordsmithing might make it feel more valuable, interesting, and attractive. I’m assuming an actual contract will detail the actual terms of service, and not be dependent on this summary sheet, correct? Yes--this is correct.
17. I’m looking for a call to action near the bottom. What do you want the reader to do next? Should they call? Go to a web site? How do they get more information? What if they’re ready to buy? (I see the email address and web address, but they are not very inviting. Something more personal or customized would be better.)
18. Is this part of a larger sales package, or would this be a stand-alone marketing piece? Are there other materials to recommend or reference, like a web page, benefits sheet, or Sales Department?